time marches on

In the past three-and-a-half months, I’ve had so many back and forth conversations in my head about this blog. So much has happened, I’m in a bit of a tailspin. Obviously, the blog hit pause while… well… while life happened.

The end of grad school classes meant an extremely busy July for me, but all ended well and I found my schedule free once again.  I didn’t jump back into sewing right away, though I did get through a couple of small projects.  Mostly zipper pouches, charity blocks, and a couple of swap items for my guild.  Oh yeah, and I turned 40...LOL.  We had a big party at a local park and a ton of my friends were there.  Hot dogs, chips and cupcakes all around with a good time had by all.  Most people talk of big getaways and such for their landmark birthdays, but I wanted to be surrounded by my friends.  I never dreaded 40 - I’m happy to make it this far! - and I wanted to celebrate it with everyone I knew.


The month of August saw me temporarily play the part of single mom while hubby helped a dear friend during a 100-mile bike race in Leadville.  Good times and good timing, actually, as I was able to get in some much needed quality time with my boys.  My oldest started a full-fledged middle school program (remember, we homeschool with hubby at home), so I got to start him off on his first three weeks while Matt was away.   As soon as he got back, we celebrated the last family birthday of the year, as my youngest turned eight.

Then it happened.

In the early hours of September 7th, I got the call no one wants.  My mom’s voice was frantic as she told me something was wrong with my dad.  An hour later, she, my sister and I sat in the ED digesting those infamous words, “there was nothing more we could do.”  My daddy was gone. 

A heart attack hit while he was sleeping.  No signs, no symptoms, no complaints.  No goodbyes.

My sister, me, Dad, and my oldest celebrating Dad's birthday last June

The last few weeks have been weird.  Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes just normal - like he is still around.  I’ve both praised and screamed at God...tearfully thanking him for a wonderful, loving, active father and then turning around and shouting in anger at Him taking away my boys' grandpa.  But it’s ok…God is big enough to handle all that.  We’ve worked through it and, if anything I have more faith now than ever.

To say the least, priorities have shifted and there’s been an immense amount of introspection.  Quite normal, I’m sure, given the acuteness of the loss.  I’m still sewing occasionally, but I’ve found more comfort in knitting.  Something I can do all snuggled up on the couch with my family or while watching TV.  Something portable to fill my idle hands when my nerves get bad and my heart sinks (as it still sometimes does). 

PJs, knitting, and Big Bang Theory on TV - my kind of therapy.  :)

I know I still owe y’all the Tangled Webs pattern...but I’ve lost my notes.  It’s coming, just a bit delayed as I have to re-do my measurements.  I also have several projects to share, including a new class I’ll be teaching at The Little General in January.   And I want to post pictures of the projects I’ve done since the summer.  So much to tell you.

But right now, I’m going to live life. 

My boys are still in fall baseball and their games are top priority for me.  Both have voiced that one of the things they will miss most about Grandpa is how he always came to their games.  He adored them and I’ll be standing in his place now.  Tanner is still struggling with his school workload.  He needs me...and it feels good to be able to help.  My mom has mentioned a Grand Canyon trip with the boys next spring.  She and Dad wanted to take them this past summer, but we couldn’t work it out.  To say the least, I’ll be doing all I can to make that trip happen.

Other than that, I’ll still be sewing - and knitting - and I’ll still check in occasionally.  I really do miss my online buddies.  I even bought a ticket to Sew South, which I’m looking forward to.  So nice to meet people in person.

In the meantime, my friends, love your families with all your heart and -  if needed, and as far as it is up to you - make amends where necessary.  You’ll not regret it.  The peace of knowing that goodbyes weren’t really needed is priceless.